That was absolutely excellent! The sequence where the attacks of the locust bot (how I see him) are synced with the music is top notch
Brilliant, but flawed
I think the animation, pacing and sound of this Brackenwood short are excellent. However, I think the approach to the storytelling underlines the virtuosity of the technique.
The problem centres around the voice-over. While I think the narration is very nicely read, well-written in itself, and well matched to the visuals, I think it is, in itself, redundant. The images (combined with the emotional cues of the music) are the primary method by which the story is conveyed, while the narration, which simply recapitulates the on-screen events, has nothing to add - it merely *tells* what the images *show*. In fact, in saving me some work (by presenting the intended meaning of events, and giving immediate, unmediated access to the character, rather than requiring an effort of interpretation) meant that the narration made me feel more distant from the story. I had no need to *engage*, to interpret the story, as the inner life of Bitey was already presented to me as the story unfolded without any need for effort on my part.
For example, the resonant vignette of the Bigfoot surrogate family that abandoned Bitey once they had a child of their own was a perfect visual clue towards his bitterness, abandonment and loneliness. This was rounded off very nicely by the image of Bitey staring at his reflection, while the other creatures of Brackenwood enjoyed the company of their own kind. The narration simply wasn't necessary, and impeded on the images, lessening their emotional impact.
Towards the end, I think this got a little more pronounced. The very last narrative hooks ('We are about to find out'...) felt too much like they were leading the viewer, especially because it felt like the narrator was pretending to be on the level of the audience, not knowing the eventual outcome of the story, whereas the viewer would naturally presume the narrator had full knowledge. The result feels slightly manipulative, and off-putting for that reason.
But I want to stress again that I think the animation is wonderful, and the story intriguing. It's going to be great to learn a bit more about Bitey, and the few details presented already make him an even more interesting character than in past shorts. I just think that the narration can afford to step back a little, and let the images simply do the job they're already doing brilliantly.
Quite liked it - nothing really innovative or new in terms of gameplay, but I liked the graphical touches of the fish dying as the oil advances, and I like the politics of it. If some more variation could be added in terms of gameplay, that'd be good, I reckon.
I think this progresses really well - the progression of the melody from the opening strings into the piano and string combination works very well. I don't think the percussion needs to be as high in the mix as it is, as it overwhelms the tune quite a lot - certainly the hihat that counts it in needs a bit of velocity variation, as it sounds a bit too metronomic as it is. I think the piano sequence at the very end would haea lot more emotional impact if such slightly dischordant strings wove around it and died away as it progressed, but that's just an idea.
Still, quite like it!
Yeah, as I said - this is a five minutes mix, I kind of was in a hurry when I did it. The drums sure are one of the things I'll fix, the volume as well as the velocity and the beat.
About the end, I was planning to have a fading wind sound going on throughout the song that will support the piano in that part especially, as well as some slow, swelling string sounds and eventually a feedback sound like Olafur Arnalds does it. That should work well to support the piano.
- The Uprising
This is good - the use of the brush type suits the theme perfectly, and you'vre managed to get a very organic feel even through the digital media. I like the way you've concentrated an area of high contrast around Mike's mouth, so that the eye is drawn to it automatically - the mis-alignment of the teeth gives a definite feeling of motion to the painting.
That said, I think that the way the teeth are rendered at the moment has a haphazard rather than intentional qaulity. Not that I think the teeth need to be rendered anatomically accurately, or anything. But I think a bit more care around that part would push it forward. There's potentially a great, twisted focus to the image there if you developed and refined that part a little more - adding a little more detail to the teeth would also reinforce them as a focus point. The difficulty would be in keeping the loose, frenetic quality of the rest of the image. But still, I think it's a good picture, particular given the digital format.
thanks for the feedback :D and also critisizing my work is really helpful :) this is my first drawing on a digital format, anyways i just finished my first painting in my High School Adv Higher Art and ill upload that as soon as possible :)
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